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I’m not dead.

I’m not dead.

Hello, internet!

So . . . um, I’ve been neglecting you lately.

Let’s start with the good news: I’m not dead. Not even maimed or anything.

Don’t think that I didn’t have opportunities, though. Things I’ve done in the past few months and haven’t updated about include:

– Visiting a historic and reportedly haunted lunatic asylum, a historic and supposedly haunted jail, and a museum set in a working (and probably not haunted) federal prison. Not only was I not attacked by vengeful spirits, these places all let me leave. Go figure.

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– Hammock camping in the Great Smokies, where I wasn’t attacked by a bear. No, that happened to someone camping a few miles away. I stayed in motels for the rest of my trip.

– Unfortunately, the motel was where I got bit by what was possibly a brown recluse spider. Which also didn’t kill me! I just got very sick, seem to have a permanently discolored patch of skin on my arm, and have added ‘Come back if you see signs of necrosis!’ to my list of things I don’t want to hear a doctor say again.

scary ronald mcdonald

(I also survived this creepy truckstop full of clowns. That was a close one.)

 – I also wound up spending a night stranded at a Park-and-Ride near Scranton, PA, having my car break down at a tourist trap in North Carolina, and wandering around an abandoned, creepy amusement park in the dark.

To be fair, I also did a lot of things that had very little possibility of ending in tragedy. I had ice cream in at least 9 different states. I rode a bunch of trains. I collected as many rocks as I could carry. I went to several state fairs and ate fried things that were never meant to be eaten fried. Those activities were, as usual, fun and non-fatal. (At least until the cholesterol catches up to me.)

 

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(Here I’m eating ice cream in Hell. Michigan. This is my dramatic face, in case you couldn’t tell. It needs some practice.)

 

The truth is, ordinary, everyday life kind of overwhelmed my ability to keep up with reporting the more interesting things I’ve done. Most of my energy over the past few months has gone into getting my grandmother’s house in shape for her to move. I also had my second go-round of laser eye surgery. Once again, this completely failed to give me laser eyes – just months where I couldn’t read a computer screen without double vision. Unfair.

But I’m back now. Because I missed you, internet. And I promise to do better – because I have a LOT to tell you about.

So. How’ve you all been?

 

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